Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this just has baby written all over it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
