I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
