It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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