dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
