An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
