Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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