Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
