I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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