this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
