Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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