Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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