So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
