you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize