New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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