Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
