Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
