3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
