Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
