sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize