Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
