I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
