just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
