I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
