Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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