This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
