Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
