Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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