hotel room ftw
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
