ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
