if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
