I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
