and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
