If you die in college, do you die in real life?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
