I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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