she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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