I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
