I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
