Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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