We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
