My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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