Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
