Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
