you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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