good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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