this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
