she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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