Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are my feet made of real feet?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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