The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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