i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
