ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
