Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
