barbara walters just said penis...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
