Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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