I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't deserve a penis
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize