just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
