Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You made out with two different species that night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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