Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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