My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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