And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
