Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
