please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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