Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
