i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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