my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
