And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
