i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
