I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The ass gains better be worth it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
