YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize