Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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