Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
