i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
