This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
