Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
