i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm always down for nudity.
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