Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
