Too much gin, very little bucket
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
