awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
