Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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