did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
