he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
