Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
