i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
