OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
