I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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