It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize