Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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