apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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