last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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